Wednesday, July 14, 2010

This is the blogpost of settling.

I have this obnoxious tendency to settle, especially in regard to the people I date. My friends will look at me and go "what are you thinking? You deserve better."A lot of the time, the person I'm dating will even look at me and go "you can do so much better than me," and I just ignore that self-deprecating talk because I spend so much time focusing on the good things about them that I somehow manage to ignore all the bad things.

Maybe it's the thought that doing better would involve more effort. Not that I'm lazy, but it would be more of a weed-out process, more saying no, more standing up for myself (though I've gotten way better at that).

I also don't want to think of myself as deserving better. That would make me vain right? Because all people are equal. God made us equals right? Or has He specifically placed us on different emotional/psychological/intellectual levels that we're supposed to take into consideration as we develop friendships and romantic relationships throughout our lives? Hmmm...things to think about.

But sometimes, you realize you're honestly out of someone's league in some way. I used to not think that that sort of talk had any substance, but it does. Sometimes you need someone on your intellectual plane, your spiritual plane, your emotional plane, your spontaneity plane, your fun plane.

But there's the rub: What the f#$% is my league anyways? Do I even want to have one? And I'm a pretty gosh darn awful person sometimes and I'm fairly average all around, so do I "deserve better"? And what the hey is better anyways? Would I want better? What if it's scary? And why am I so scared in the first place?

Dear God, please help me figure this out, because I am super confused in the sense that "It's 11 p.m. and I just got my braces today and they hurt like HE-double-hockey-sticks, and then I worked out for 2 hours, so I'm pretty out of it, but I'm tired of dating dinglebunnies and desperately trying to justify these bad matches to myself" kind of way.

Thank goodness I love being single, because this is going to take some major thought, consideration, and prayer, ridiculous a train of thought as this is.

Also, just for fun: I love Death Cab's "The Sound of Settling." I can't help but sway every time I listen to it. If that's what settling sounds like, maybe it's not so bad after all!

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