Stop stealing from me!

In cities all across the country, new churches are sprouting, faster than can easily be counted. As I drive through the streets of my small, financially-challenged town in the Rural South, a week never goes by when I don't see at least one being prepared for occupation.

It seems the campaign to win the hearts and minds of the general populace is well underway- and thank goodness, eh? After all, every church helps to provide for the needs of the community, through the tithing of its congregation- I'm so proud of them all, sacrificing a portion of their paychecks for the Greater Glory of God (c)! I'm so glad that those monies, which are already taxed by the Federal Government, go into the coffers of such organizations, dedicated to the purpose of charitable works in the local community. Why, I see soup kitchens, free housing, clothes banks, and volunteers everywhere, from every church around, making sure our poor, our helpless, our infirmed, and our disadvantaged brothers and sisters are well-taken-care-of.

It's certainly a great thing that our Founding Fathers envisioned, this wonderful trade-off of tax-free status, in exchange for the government never having to spend public funds to take care of those among us who have physical, medical, social, and emotional needs. It fills me with joy to see how well it's all worked-out. I mean, really- we don't have to worry about anyone going hungry, or losing everything because of an illness, no sirree, not with these folks on the job, glorifying God with every soul they provide for the needs of. Tireless, really.

Honestly- it's no big deal when a church buys a nearby plot of land that happens to have a successful shopping mall on it, and opens facilities there- it's all in the name of helping others, and who cares if the taxes on some multi-million-dollar property just stop flowing into the government coffers. I'm sure they'll make it up elsewhere- heck- I'll pony up the difference on my own tax bill, cheerfully! It warms my cockles to see how inventive churches have become at generating money for their purposes- I'd never have imagined keeping the tenants in those shopping malls, and charging them rent. It's brilliant, I tell you! Why, the uses for that income are incredible- I'm sure I'll see even more free food, clothing, shelter, and medical care for the needy out of it, just any day, now.

And I don't really even mind that the salaried staff of these glory-filled places don't pay income taxes- they've earned the pensions and college funds the flock gives them. Managing such a complicated, gigantic infrastructure must be stressful. No wonder they need several vacations and getaways per year. And, of course, their children must be educated to the hilt, to ensure that they, too, can continue to build more churches, so that the Divine Calling of Charity (c) is met, all around the world!

Friends and neighbors, we musn't let our own paltry needs weaken our resolve. Our best contribution to the cause, obviously, is our weekly tithes- I daresay none of us would have any idea how to accomplish all these great things for the Almighty! Rejoice! We're serving our fellow man in an awesome way!