Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I miss saying grace...

College, I must admit, can be delightfully hedonistic. Well, while I have admittedly few vices personally beyond late nights and snuggles, there is something alluring about the decided lack of rules and the general enthusiasm for the unorthodox that looms over college communities (or at least, liberal college communities). It's intoxicating (At times, literally so for many). You get caught up in this whirlwind of fun and learning and friends. It's really the best place I've ever been in my entire life.

But I miss saying grace. I miss having that one moment with a bunch of other people when you just stop and forget about yourselves and your day and simply take the time to be grateful. I miss waking up for church on Sunday mornings. I miss daily prayers. I miss having Bible study time, and I miss people not thinking I'm crazy because I can easily reference certain verses. I miss people understanding things I take for granted and figured everyone could easily comprehend, like communion and Lent. I miss being a part of a community of faith, what the Quran calls the "umma."

It seems silly. These things have always been a fairly substantial part of my life. But here I am, not doing them, and I totally could do a lot of them. I try to explain things to people, and I've kept up a lot of things, but goodness I do so love sleeping in on Sundays. Sure I could say grace in the dining center, but honestly, I get busy talking and scooting chairs, and I forget. I could say my old highschool prayer at the same time, but usually I'm in class.

I know, I know. Excuses, excuses. But I'm doing what I can.

College has really strengthened my beliefs though. I can articulate them, discuss them, and I see now how really important they are to me. I've seen how curious people can be about faith, and I've seen how refreshing it can be to consider things from new perspectives.

But it's kind of hard sometimes to be one of the few believers in a sea of the faithless and to see how much the church has let so many of them down. It hurts. These wonderful people, most only about 19, 20 years old, who have been hurt or disappointed by a centuries old institution that is meant to bring hope, but that they consider an instrument of oppression and an utter sham...

I don't think it's my place to bring people to the church. Honestly, it's not my calling. I'm neither persuasive, nor pushy, nor that specific about my own faith to lead anybody else anywhere. In every freaking spiritual gift assessment I've ever taken at every church I've ever been at, I've never gotten my stupid results back (lazy Methodists for the lose), so goodness knows what my calling actually is.

The one thing I'm decent at in my opinion is loving people. And I guess while I'm here, I'll just stick with that.

God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for my school. Amen.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you miss being part of a believing community. But you're getting a good look at how "we" can look from the outside, and that is a good thing.

    I don't "do" Sunday mornings any more due to a family that runs a second shift lifestyle and also personal illness that made it (first) unbearable) and (2nd) undo-able. I tried going on Sunday nights, but have discovered that those who skip Sunday mornings and come on Sunday night instead are judged as suspect (just not quite as holy as the A.M. crowd), and that churches who have gotten past that judgmental notion have dropped Sunday nights altogether. Which is ok if all your people are MORNING people! LOL

    Anyway, college is a good time to learn to find the "body of Christ" in unexpected places and look for ways Christians are forming community in ways you've not experienced before. Meanwhile, there is much to learn and unlearn while sojourning among the unaffiliated.

    God bless you, Lil Spoon!