Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I see the spirit moving in the very fabric of the universe

I really am struggling right now. I have a lot of friends who don't believe in God, or really anything at all. And I'm having trouble articulating my views to them. A lot of people seem to think that there's no point in believing in God, that the existence of something greater shouldn't impact the way you live your life, especially those who take a humanist approach.

It doesn't change the way I live my life though. It changes how I think about my life and, more importantly, how I think about other people's lives. It changes what I want to do with my life. I can't imagine doing something without religion, because for me, my existence is based on wanting to know as much as I possibly can about that which cannot be fully understood. I can't imagine spending my life without relishing every single second of the everyday miraculous, be that a spontaneous trip to look at the stars at 2 a.m. or finally realizing how amazing matrices really are. Language itself is its own miracle. How amazing is it that we have words, that we can communicate with each other, that words have been passed through generations into our hands?

No, I'm not focused on some abstract idea of success, or wealth, or even intellectualism. I just want to learn about God, which means learning math, learning science, learning languages, learning literature, learning religions. Faith holds everything in my mind; God made everything, and the more I study, the more I find him in every aspect of my work. And the more I want to know. And the more I love people. If everyone has God inside them, and God holds all of these amazing things, then how can I do anything but love these individuals filled with these amazing things?

It just hurts so much to know that some people will never be able to understand that. No, scratch that. What hurts is that some people will never want to understand it. And you know that deep down, some small, still voice within them wants to understand, but that they're too stubborn to let themselves. They, or their friends, or their families, or the world as a whole has done their best to silence that voice until it is all but inaudible. That doesn't make them bad people, but it makes me worry...their lives do not seem nearly as hopeful to me somehow.

And because this song is stuck in my head as I muddle through this, here, have some lyrics from Daniel Bedingfield's "Draw You." It's a beautiful song that captures the feeling of having a different world view (or even universal view) than someone and wanting desperately for him or her to at least understand how you feel about life and why you feel that way.

I see the spirit moving in the very fabric of the universe
I tell you so
you see the power in your hands to ease the suffering of a dying child
you tell me so
I reach for stars but you are keeping both feet firmly planted on the ground
or so i've found
I wrestle with eternal questions you wrestle with the here and now
'cos you're here now

It breaks my heart that your alluring eyes
are blind to what I see
it's tragic that the quest that move our lives
are just so different

But I could draw you into my heart
if your eyes weren't closed to me
and I would draw you into the world behind the one you'll see
if I could speak my mind then I could take you to secret places
all are yours to find
you're spirit longs to breathe
if only you'd believe

I look for miracles and search for the miraculous along my way
you seem to say
the opposite is true for you
you just seem satisfied with what you find each day
your life's ok
your spirit's lost and wandering in the sands
I swear I hear your voice
crying save me from the desert, take my hand
lead me to water

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