I have had an incredible weekend, complete with attending a Jewish service Saturday morning that was led by a friend of mine, and I've also gotten inspired to post about making judgments about people sexually or politically based on how religious they may be.
But, I thought I'd spend a couple of posts devoted to a few of my life rules. Yes, I have life rules. If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything, and exceptions are for people who don't have real standards. They're not particularly religious, beyond the fact that I think taking care of one's self and setting standards is a part of any spiritual journey.
So, I went through my voicemail box tonight (I hadn't cleaned it out since October...oops), and I found one that I'd saved just because it served as a reminder of one of my favorite life rules.
The rule is this simple: no manipulative people. No being manipulative, and no letting manipulative people stay in my life (that's where burning bridges can come in handy if need be).
Ain't nobody gonna tell me what I "should" be doing. God made me smart enough to have my own life, and I am incredibly capable. I resent people who can't just be open and honest about what they want, who use people and push them around and claim it's "for their own good." And anybody who's pulling the whole "the ends justify the means" thing needs to read up on Stalin as far as I'm concerned.
Furthermore, I resent people who manipulate my friends. Hell hath no fury like a woman who's realized her friend is getting used or played in some way. This year, somebody was using my friend, and I got so pissed off that I told them off at 3 am, and I put on my high heeled boots to do it. And my accent came out and my voice got low.
But sometimes you can't help somebody as much as you want to. You can't just jump in front of them like a crazy person and go "RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!" and hope they'll pull a Monty Python and the Holy Grail and run the f$%^ away. It's that person's own decision, and one can only hope that one day he or she will realize what's actually going on. And you can't think less of someone for getting manipulated. To deal with a truly manipulative person is like swimming against a riptide.
And you can't possibly understand it until you've lived it. From terrible friends to abusive partners, it's hell itself, and so many people just don't get it. (For example, I had someone tell me recently that abused women who stay in an abusive situation are morons who clearly just didn't get it.) It's virtually impossible to get out of such a situation without a lot of help and support, either divine or mortal, and sometimes it's impossible to see what's going on until you are safely on the shore again.
Hindsight is 20/20 after all.
Sometimes, I wonder if Jesus would've changed anything he did. Not that I'm suggesting he made mistakes, but if he could have a second go at everything, would it be different? Would God have done things differently if He could re-do the adventures of the Pentateuch? Not give Miriam leprosy? Not drown all of humanity besides Noah? Not let that goshdarn snake in the garden? It's kind of fun to imagine God thinking about such things, though I'm guessing he's far too busy working on the future.
Then again if you take a cyclical view of time that's a whole different story...
Anyways, I don't think God wants people to be manipulative. He's got enough of a plan to not need us to take others' lives our own hands. Take the story of Joseph. So many people tried to manipulate him, including Potiphar's wife and his brothers, to take his life out of his own control, but God still kept him on the right track. People don't have a right to meddle in other people's life tracks, no matter how well meaning they may be.
So that's one of my life rules. No manipulative people.
N.B.: For a more musical rendition of this life rules, I would recommend Sarah Bareilles' new single "King of Anything."
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
scandal and rainbows
So there's a big scandal in my city about a local mega-church (Which happens to be Baptist) refusing to let a baseball team use its fields because their coach is a lesbian.
Which is SUPER UN-CHRISTIAN. "Jesus loves everybody, and we want to show that through our sports facilities, OH WAIT but not to YOU." Yep. That's clearly in the Gospels. TOTALLY. This is me rolling my eyes.
Dumbasses. And to think my grandma and dad are going to church their tomorrow. Gag me with a homophobic spork.
Anyways, they have a HUGE 4th of July thing every year. Thousands and thousands of people go, and sit on their sports fields and watch fireworks.
And I'm seriously considering finding all the rainbow stuff I can and wearing it, along with a t-shirt that says "Jesus loves everyone." Who there would dare disagree with that? Why not spread the love, even among some of the most narrow minded people in town?
Or else I may just not go, because the thought of being on their property and so many people who agree with their policies seriously makes me want to vomit/cry...
I guess we'll see.
Which is SUPER UN-CHRISTIAN. "Jesus loves everybody, and we want to show that through our sports facilities, OH WAIT but not to YOU." Yep. That's clearly in the Gospels. TOTALLY. This is me rolling my eyes.
Dumbasses. And to think my grandma and dad are going to church their tomorrow. Gag me with a homophobic spork.
Anyways, they have a HUGE 4th of July thing every year. Thousands and thousands of people go, and sit on their sports fields and watch fireworks.
And I'm seriously considering finding all the rainbow stuff I can and wearing it, along with a t-shirt that says "Jesus loves everyone." Who there would dare disagree with that? Why not spread the love, even among some of the most narrow minded people in town?
Or else I may just not go, because the thought of being on their property and so many people who agree with their policies seriously makes me want to vomit/cry...
I guess we'll see.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
the person I want to be vs. me
Tonight I saw a really interesting film about the Methodist Church and homosexuality, and while it probably seems like I should talk about that, I'm actually going to talk about something else.
The thing that stuck with me most from the film is the line, "If not me, then who? If not now, when?"
I had a conversation with a friend today about how you can't protect somebody's next victim. But sometimes you can. And sometimes, you're the only person who has the chance to try. It's kind of overwhelming to stare at doing the right thing and doing the easy thing and seeing exactly how much the paths diverge. And the person I want to be is the person who does the right thing.
And that person I want to be is seriously considering waging a long awaited battle against a local church.
Do I want to deal with this? No. In fact, it makes me embarrassed that I was so stupid that I didn't know what was going on/how creepy it was and that several people (whom I didn't even know gave a damn about me) were worried about the situation. I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't have the willpower or the energy to push this harder over Christmas, though I was in the middle of my own personal crisis at the time. And I was and am absolutely sickened that the church could just turn its back on something so wrong and leave somebody who was hurt completely in the dark and then hurt them more.
And sometimes, I still get really upset about this, though very few people know about the whole thing or realize just how disturbing it got.
In some ways I feel like it was stupid, and maybe it wasn't all that bad. It is the smallest of my scars at this point in my life. But no. No man in a leadership position should be kissing on a sixteen year-old-girl, texting and emailing her all the time, etc., to the point that teenage guys are freaking out about what's going on. Admittedly, at the time I was insanely naive, and I never doubted that anybody had good intentions.
But it's been 3 years, and that doesn't make what happened any less wrong, and that doesn't make the lack of response on the church's part any less okay. And that doesn't make not acting on my part any less wrong. Being a victim of a situation seems a poor excuse for not preventing such a thing from happening again.
Leave it to the Protestant Church to claim that the gospels say you should let someone behaving inappropriately towards a minor still have a major leadership position and run off the victim of the situation who already felt like it was somehow her own fault in the first place. Nice going.
(I know I'm being super vague. This is an I'm-figuring-things-out-for-my-own-sake post rather than a oh-hi-ya'll-this-is-interesting-enjoy-this post. My apologies if you're confused and/or bored.)
Goal: Do the right thing (or start heading that direction via email) by Sunday at 11:59 pm.
The thing that stuck with me most from the film is the line, "If not me, then who? If not now, when?"
I had a conversation with a friend today about how you can't protect somebody's next victim. But sometimes you can. And sometimes, you're the only person who has the chance to try. It's kind of overwhelming to stare at doing the right thing and doing the easy thing and seeing exactly how much the paths diverge. And the person I want to be is the person who does the right thing.
And that person I want to be is seriously considering waging a long awaited battle against a local church.
Do I want to deal with this? No. In fact, it makes me embarrassed that I was so stupid that I didn't know what was going on/how creepy it was and that several people (whom I didn't even know gave a damn about me) were worried about the situation. I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't have the willpower or the energy to push this harder over Christmas, though I was in the middle of my own personal crisis at the time. And I was and am absolutely sickened that the church could just turn its back on something so wrong and leave somebody who was hurt completely in the dark and then hurt them more.
And sometimes, I still get really upset about this, though very few people know about the whole thing or realize just how disturbing it got.
In some ways I feel like it was stupid, and maybe it wasn't all that bad. It is the smallest of my scars at this point in my life. But no. No man in a leadership position should be kissing on a sixteen year-old-girl, texting and emailing her all the time, etc., to the point that teenage guys are freaking out about what's going on. Admittedly, at the time I was insanely naive, and I never doubted that anybody had good intentions.
But it's been 3 years, and that doesn't make what happened any less wrong, and that doesn't make the lack of response on the church's part any less okay. And that doesn't make not acting on my part any less wrong. Being a victim of a situation seems a poor excuse for not preventing such a thing from happening again.
Leave it to the Protestant Church to claim that the gospels say you should let someone behaving inappropriately towards a minor still have a major leadership position and run off the victim of the situation who already felt like it was somehow her own fault in the first place. Nice going.
(I know I'm being super vague. This is an I'm-figuring-things-out-for-my-own-sake post rather than a oh-hi-ya'll-this-is-interesting-enjoy-this post. My apologies if you're confused and/or bored.)
Goal: Do the right thing (or start heading that direction via email) by Sunday at 11:59 pm.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The Ridiculous and the Miraculous
I feel like Joshua and the Isrealites at the Battle of Jericho, having marched around and around the city walls and having blown their horns, surely feeling kind of ridiculous...and then emerging victorious (Joshua 6:1-27). This story was featured in the Veggie Tales' episode Josh and the Big Wall!, which plays up the ridiculousness by having the French peas dump blue slushies on the Isrealites and sing a mocking song ("keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall! Keep walking, but she isn't gonna fall! It's plain to see your brains are very small to think knocking will be knocking down our wall!). I would definitely recommend it.
In my mind, the struggle is not the point. The point is the miraculousness of communal ridiculousness (and obedience to God's plan, which just happens to be super ridiculous).
It took a whole group of people following God's plan, a plan that seems utterly insane, to succeed in reclaiming the Promised Land.
God doesn't always ask us to do things that make sense. Sometimes it hurts to make that decision, to press onward, to keep going on. And sometimes it feels like what we're doing is utterly insane, that it could never possibly work.
Some Biblical examples of people doing ridiculous or seemingly insane stuff:
Noah's ark (Genesis 6 ff.)
the virgin birth (Matthew 1, Luke)
Joseph marrying Mary anyways (Matthew especially)
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego surviving the furnace (Daniel 3)
the Passover story-saved by lambs' blood (Exodus)
any of the miracles of Jesus (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John)
Those are just a few examples, though there are many more. I'm getting sleepy, so forgive my brevity (I actually wrote this part last. I rearranged everything once I got it all written, so if that "Forgive my brevity" statement seems preposterous halfway through, my apologies.)
As far as a personal example goes, I vividly remember having been upset by someone and sitting in my room one day sobbing and eventually wandering into my suitemate's room, who quickly hugged me and grabbed some of our friends. Before I knew it, I was sprawled on my friend's bed - overcome with giggles - as they composed a humorous letter and song, designed to make me feel better. My friends rallied around me, hugged me, and drank juice (my favorite beverage) with me. It was completely silly. But in being silly together, we all found a strength we didn't know we had. It was beyond the power to console. It was the power to uplift, to help somebody not only over a mental roadblock but to give them courage and return their dignity.
Another personal example: I had a period last year during which I was compelled to pray without ceasing. Those words just echoed through my mind "Pray without ceasing. Pray without ceasing." And I did, desperately, miserably, cleaving to the words as if they would let me escape. It felt silly to pray at stop lights or in the middle of an episode of a Disney Channel show. But eventually, it was like I had built a protective wall around my heart and mind. Yes, people saying hurtful things still hurt, hurtful memories still hurt. But I could see beyond that, and I could hurt for the person hurting me. Praying without ceasing went from a ridiculous impulse to an integral part of my daily life.
The ridiculous became a means of gaining new understanding, of coming closer to God at a time when I needed him most, at a time when everything felt too serious.
So, in conclusion, I suppose I'll just say never forget that "nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37), even the ridiculous becoming miraculous.
In my mind, the struggle is not the point. The point is the miraculousness of communal ridiculousness (and obedience to God's plan, which just happens to be super ridiculous).
It took a whole group of people following God's plan, a plan that seems utterly insane, to succeed in reclaiming the Promised Land.
God doesn't always ask us to do things that make sense. Sometimes it hurts to make that decision, to press onward, to keep going on. And sometimes it feels like what we're doing is utterly insane, that it could never possibly work.
Some Biblical examples of people doing ridiculous or seemingly insane stuff:
Noah's ark (Genesis 6 ff.)
the virgin birth (Matthew 1, Luke)
Joseph marrying Mary anyways (Matthew especially)
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego surviving the furnace (Daniel 3)
the Passover story-saved by lambs' blood (Exodus)
any of the miracles of Jesus (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John)
Those are just a few examples, though there are many more. I'm getting sleepy, so forgive my brevity (I actually wrote this part last. I rearranged everything once I got it all written, so if that "Forgive my brevity" statement seems preposterous halfway through, my apologies.)
As far as a personal example goes, I vividly remember having been upset by someone and sitting in my room one day sobbing and eventually wandering into my suitemate's room, who quickly hugged me and grabbed some of our friends. Before I knew it, I was sprawled on my friend's bed - overcome with giggles - as they composed a humorous letter and song, designed to make me feel better. My friends rallied around me, hugged me, and drank juice (my favorite beverage) with me. It was completely silly. But in being silly together, we all found a strength we didn't know we had. It was beyond the power to console. It was the power to uplift, to help somebody not only over a mental roadblock but to give them courage and return their dignity.
Another personal example: I had a period last year during which I was compelled to pray without ceasing. Those words just echoed through my mind "Pray without ceasing. Pray without ceasing." And I did, desperately, miserably, cleaving to the words as if they would let me escape. It felt silly to pray at stop lights or in the middle of an episode of a Disney Channel show. But eventually, it was like I had built a protective wall around my heart and mind. Yes, people saying hurtful things still hurt, hurtful memories still hurt. But I could see beyond that, and I could hurt for the person hurting me. Praying without ceasing went from a ridiculous impulse to an integral part of my daily life.
The ridiculous became a means of gaining new understanding, of coming closer to God at a time when I needed him most, at a time when everything felt too serious.
So, in conclusion, I suppose I'll just say never forget that "nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37), even the ridiculous becoming miraculous.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
wrestling with eternal questions...with friends!
Recently, several of my favorite college friends have stumbled upon this blog, and I am so excited. I didn't realize that many other people at my school were interested in thinking about these kind of things, talking about these kind of things. Though we come from all over the country, from all sorts of backgrounds and even different faiths, we're all on some sort of similar spiritual quest, a search for understanding the divine and what that understanding means to us and to our lives.
I knew there were other people out there, but that this blog has been able to forge this connection is a powerful thing. I'm really hoping to get to discuss some of this stuff with them and just bounce our ideas around and hangout and talk. Right now, the internet and phones are serving as means of connecting with each other about this kind of stuff. So, welcome friends!
There's just something amazing about discussing religion with other people who believe. Discussing with non-believers can be thought-provoking, but when you make connections with other people, when you find you have somebody to just sit around and go "What the heck is up with prayer?" or "I don't understand this!," I find I can open up my mind on a whole new level, which sounds a little ridiculous, but it's true.
In other news, I really loved taking my 3 religion related classes this semester. I plunged into the Bible like I've never had an opportunity to before. I find that I've developed new opinions (like that consolidating the Synoptic gospels and claiming they're all part of one story=BS though that's another post for another day!). We had a big debate one day about the academic study of scripture as opposed to the spiritual study, and a bunch of people were claiming that they were mutually exclusive. In my opinion, that's ridiculous. I know I've mentioned this before, but I consider my academic journey a part of my spiritual journey, and I feel like declaring my religion major next year will just be one more step on said journey.
Ugh. The journey metaphor is so painfully cliche. Note to self: think about a new spiritual metaphor.
I'm also really excited about getting involved with the Episcopal student thing at my school. I have a friend who helps run stuff, and I've talked to her about joining in. I think it'll be really great to be connected with a faith community at school.
And again, welcome friends!
I knew there were other people out there, but that this blog has been able to forge this connection is a powerful thing. I'm really hoping to get to discuss some of this stuff with them and just bounce our ideas around and hangout and talk. Right now, the internet and phones are serving as means of connecting with each other about this kind of stuff. So, welcome friends!
There's just something amazing about discussing religion with other people who believe. Discussing with non-believers can be thought-provoking, but when you make connections with other people, when you find you have somebody to just sit around and go "What the heck is up with prayer?" or "I don't understand this!," I find I can open up my mind on a whole new level, which sounds a little ridiculous, but it's true.
In other news, I really loved taking my 3 religion related classes this semester. I plunged into the Bible like I've never had an opportunity to before. I find that I've developed new opinions (like that consolidating the Synoptic gospels and claiming they're all part of one story=BS though that's another post for another day!). We had a big debate one day about the academic study of scripture as opposed to the spiritual study, and a bunch of people were claiming that they were mutually exclusive. In my opinion, that's ridiculous. I know I've mentioned this before, but I consider my academic journey a part of my spiritual journey, and I feel like declaring my religion major next year will just be one more step on said journey.
Ugh. The journey metaphor is so painfully cliche. Note to self: think about a new spiritual metaphor.
I'm also really excited about getting involved with the Episcopal student thing at my school. I have a friend who helps run stuff, and I've talked to her about joining in. I think it'll be really great to be connected with a faith community at school.
And again, welcome friends!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
burning bridges
So sometimes people will tell you that the Christian thing to do is be friends with everybody.
But here's the deal. There are some people I'm awfully glad Jesus loves because I sure as hell can't love them. Or even like them. Or maybe I like them, but I like 'em better when they are far away from me.
There's an old joke. A group of people asked a Rabbi, "Rabbi, do you know a proper blessing for the czar?" And the Rabbi said, "May the Lord bless and keep the czar...far away from us."
One year ago today I burned a bridge. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and I'll stand by that until the day I die. I wish the people on the other side of the bridge very happy...and very far away from me. This has been the best year of my life. This is what God wants for me, not that pitiful, sniveling existence where I didn't make my own decisions and believed it was okay for people to hurt my feelings because they "loved" me.
You don't have to love those who hurt you. I mean, Romans 12: 14-15 says "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." But that doesn't mean you should let them keep hurting you. God made us to be smart, capable human beings. No one has the right to take that feeling of intelligent capability from anyone else, because it hurts. It hurts to have someone take away your control of a situation so completely that you still have nightmares about it. But that's when you walk away. And God will help. He can help. He's about the only thing that can, I think, besides truly great friends, who are like little pieces of God in my opinion anyways.
But now, things are going right. My friends that I'd abandoned in the chaos of my high school years have forgiven me. As they say "you were in a dark place." And they're just...glad I'm back. It's amazing. And they support me and my burning of bridges. It happens. Life happens. It just makes me very glad for second chances, for friends, for my family, and for having a faith that has been undiminished by so much crap.
Thank you God for helping me grow a spine.
Now to grow some slamming abs this summer to go with my new super hot bikini top...
And also, HELLO LOVELY FRIEND who has started reading this blog!
But here's the deal. There are some people I'm awfully glad Jesus loves because I sure as hell can't love them. Or even like them. Or maybe I like them, but I like 'em better when they are far away from me.
There's an old joke. A group of people asked a Rabbi, "Rabbi, do you know a proper blessing for the czar?" And the Rabbi said, "May the Lord bless and keep the czar...far away from us."
One year ago today I burned a bridge. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and I'll stand by that until the day I die. I wish the people on the other side of the bridge very happy...and very far away from me. This has been the best year of my life. This is what God wants for me, not that pitiful, sniveling existence where I didn't make my own decisions and believed it was okay for people to hurt my feelings because they "loved" me.
You don't have to love those who hurt you. I mean, Romans 12: 14-15 says "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." But that doesn't mean you should let them keep hurting you. God made us to be smart, capable human beings. No one has the right to take that feeling of intelligent capability from anyone else, because it hurts. It hurts to have someone take away your control of a situation so completely that you still have nightmares about it. But that's when you walk away. And God will help. He can help. He's about the only thing that can, I think, besides truly great friends, who are like little pieces of God in my opinion anyways.
But now, things are going right. My friends that I'd abandoned in the chaos of my high school years have forgiven me. As they say "you were in a dark place." And they're just...glad I'm back. It's amazing. And they support me and my burning of bridges. It happens. Life happens. It just makes me very glad for second chances, for friends, for my family, and for having a faith that has been undiminished by so much crap.
Thank you God for helping me grow a spine.
Now to grow some slamming abs this summer to go with my new super hot bikini top...
And also, HELLO LOVELY FRIEND who has started reading this blog!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Why Do They Call Events Like This "Acts of God"
As I spend hours each day cleaning out my house from the recent flooding I have lots of time to think about things. I find myself wondering why in times of flooding disasters especially that we call these things "acts of God". I haven't been watching the news but I'm sure the Fred Phelps of the world are claiming, as they did after Katrina, that this is some kind of punishment from God for whatever imagined sins the particular nutjob believes that we have committed. That kind of thinking flies in the face of Genesis where God promised never again to destroy the earth with water. I rather think that localized destruction is probably covered under that promise as well. It seems to me more likely appropriate to call these things "Acts of Nature" rather than "Acts of God". Nature is like the rest of the Earth in that it is far from the perfect state it was created in.
Having watched as water rose and came into my house I've got a new respect for Nature's power. Even knowing we had a second floor to retreat to it was one of the most frightening things I have ever experienced. Yet we've seen tiny miracles throughout. God showing up and assuring me in ways that might only have made sense to me that He is not the author of this chaos and that He is with me as I deal with the aftermath. So do me a favor, don't insult me by calling this an act of God.
Having watched as water rose and came into my house I've got a new respect for Nature's power. Even knowing we had a second floor to retreat to it was one of the most frightening things I have ever experienced. Yet we've seen tiny miracles throughout. God showing up and assuring me in ways that might only have made sense to me that He is not the author of this chaos and that He is with me as I deal with the aftermath. So do me a favor, don't insult me by calling this an act of God.
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